Helping an addict recover and forgiving him go hand in hand. Without forgiveness there can be no closure to the painful days of addiction. Forgiveness helps all involved to move forward and not revisit those days ever again.
Forgiveness is mutual. The addict too may be harboring grievances against friends and family for not being there for him. If this is the case with your boyfriend, then both parties need to forgive and forge a stronger bond based on the learnings from the past. With many treatment programs, addicts are actually required to mend fences with others in order to move ahead with the treatment plan. You need make things easier for your boyfriend; forgive him so that he can be rid of the guilt related to his actions and not harbor negativity that may affect his recovery.
This may seem easier said than achieved. Addicts lie to hide their condition, your boyfriend may have done the same with you. Addicts may even agree for treatment, but a weak resolve can see them lapsing back into the old habits. This can be stressful for those who may have invested time and effort in trying to get the addict break the drug habit. Has this happened with you?
If it has, then you need to first understand the things that are not covered by forgiveness. Forgiveness is not an enabling act, and it most certainly does not mean that you continue to accept poor behavior. Forgiveness does not free us of the consequences of our actions. Forgiveness may or may not lead to reconciliation. Your boyfriend too needs to understand these points. Once this happens, it will become easier for you to forgive him for his errant conduct in the past.
As mentioned above, drug rehabilitation cannot happen in a satisfactory manner unless the physical healing is accompanied by emotional healing as well. And for this to happen, you have to forgive the addict. Till the time you don’t forgive your boyfriend, he will find it difficult to forgive himself. He will be racked by the thoughts of how he wronged you and other’s. He may not be able to participate in the treatment program in a wholehearted manner.
Forgiveness implies closure and a new beginning. You should give your boyfriend the opportunity to begin his life anew and salvage as much of it as he can. At the same time, forgiveness does not mean that you forget the physical, emotional, mental, and financial distress that you may have had to go through. Remember these things, as they’ll help you protect yourself from such future mishaps. When you forgive, you let go of the bitterness inside you. By not forgetting, you can suggest corrective action for your boyfriend, should he show signs of lapsing into his old habits.
The Villa Treatment Center can help you with questions that you may have about the best way to help an addict. Our experienced recovery counselors can guide you and your boyfriend about how he can kick the drug habit, and begin living life as it is meant to be lived. Call us. 1-818-639-7160